How I approach mentorship

There are lots of philosophies out there about mentorship. Some say mentorship is an intense and time-consuming relationship that should take 2-3 hours per week when done right. Others just treat it as giving some pointers here and there and saying, “Aight cool, let me know if you have any questions.”

Here’s how I operate:

Be approachable

Nobody wants to open up to a closed-off person. It’s good to foster a “Door is always open!” mentality. I show people that I’m nonjudgmental by my actions. I give others grace and mercy. I give others the benefit of the doubt. Colleagues will quickly learn that I’m a compassionate and understanding person.

I also will over-communicate by repeatedly telling people that I want their input and feedback. This is not an act or just lip service—it’s genuine. And people can see that I authentically want to hear their opinions. This fosters an environment that makes people comfortable enough to come to me with any questions, because they KNOW I will be happy to hear what they have to say.

Whatever the opposite of RBF (Resting Grumpy Face) is, I try to do the opposite.

I’m observant

I take notice and an interest in other people. I can sense when they’re proud, upset, excited or worried. Then I can try to open up that conversation and see if they want to talk about it. I don’t need to impose myself. I just read the situation and see if a conversation will naturally develop. These are amazing opportunities to connect and all it takes is a little bit of paying attention.

I’m not stingy with compliments

If I think of something nice to say, I make sure I find a way to say it. It absolutely has to be genuine (a fake compliment is actually very bad—it is insulting and destroys trust). Sometimes those compliments come out a bit awkwardly or at random times. That’s OK. I remember getting a call from my Creative Director at 8:30 PM. It was very random. I remember telling my wife, “Oh, hey. Spencer is calling.” I picked up and he told me I did a nice job on the presentation earlier that day and he briefly talked about the good things I did. That 2-minute call meant a lot to me.

I suspect many people hesitate to compliment others because they don’t want to sound weird, awkward or come off too strong and creep people out. I think that’s an unfounded fear, though. If a compliment is actually genuine, then it will be received well.

This is when reading body language comes into play. IF—for some strange reason—my compliment makes them uncomfortable, then I will take note and adjust accordingly.

I share with humility

Having more experience doesn’t mean I know everything. The person I am mentoring has unique experiences full of lessons that I have never learned. In that sense, I am always open to being mentored as well. Whatever advice I share, I do it humbly with the understanding that this is what worked for ME. There could definitely be a better way to do it.

“This is what I’ve learned—I’m happy to share everything I know. But I am always learning.”

I value face-to-face interactions

Something magical happens when you’re physically in the presence of another person. There’s true human connection there. But if that’s not possible, a call is great too. It doesn’t even have to be a video call. Just a voice conversation where thoughts can easily flow. Texting is not a great medium for mentorship conversations.

I’m generous with my time

If someone walks to talk after hours, I try my best to accommodate that. These are special moments and should be prioritized.

I’m real

Most importantly, just be honest. I don’t pretend like I know more than I actually do. I don’t pretend to not be stressed when I’m stressed. People can tell when someone is not being authentic. Being real builds trust.

In conclusion

Not everyone will want to be mentored, and that’s OK. What’s important is that the door is always open.

And while a mentorship can be intense (2-3 hours per week or more), I don’t think it has to be. In fact, I don’t think that’s realistic. If it happens, it happens, but that would be a very special relationship. I don’t think you can replicate that out of thin air. It just has to come naturally.

Mentorship is similar to making friends. It’s about building rapport and trust, and genuinely wanting them to thrive. It’s not just about knowledge and expertise (the brain). It’s also about truly caring about the other person (heart).