Load vs. Burden: discerning when to help someone

What is the difference between a load and a burden?

A load is something we’re all expected to carry. It’s our responsibility.

A burden is something that is too much to bear. An overwhelming weight that will crush anybody.

Don’t take on another person’s load. But if you can, you should help another person with their burden.

And if you yourself are carrying a burden… don’t be ashamed to ask for help!

Problems will occur when you think your load is a burden, or that your burden is a load.

Problem 1: Treating a load as a burden

Imagine that Reggie has been working 6-hour days and Samantha has been working 8-hour days.

Then Reggie says to Samatha: “My workload is getting heavy, I need help. Can I give you one of my projects?”

In this overly simplified scenario, it’s obvious that Reggie is treating his load as a burden. Samantha should say, “No, you can take care of your own load. That’s your responsibility.”

Problem 2: Treating a burden as a load

Now let’s imagine that Samantha has been working 12-hour days and Reggie is still working 6-hour days. Samantha should speak up and ask for help. If Reggie has capacity to help, he should help. But it’s not good for Samantha to stay silent.

But real life is messy…

Of course, these hypothetical scenarios are very clean and neat and real life is rarely like that.

know people who ask for help with everything, like “Can you help me move tomorrow?”

Most people instinctively don’t ask for substantial help unless they truly cannot handle it themselves. But some people think asking for help is some sort of life hack to avoid doing any work. So it’s important to discern how much the person actually needs help. Are they just going down a list and texting everyone for a big favor just because they don’t feel like carrying some boxes? Or are they injured and legitimately need help? Sometimes it’s honestly hard to tell.

On the flip side, I know many people who should ask for help but don’t. They just grit their teeth and endure. A silent sufferer. This is not good either!

What if we’re busy, but want to help anyway?

First, you should think about your responsibilities. It’s natural to want to help others, but you probably have people who rely on you. Don’t ditch your family to help your needy friend. Of course, this all hinges on how much help your friend actually needs. It’s a delicate balance. It’s definitely good to help people, but you also want to make sure you’re not neglecting your duties.

Which one are you?

Are you the type of person who asks for a lot of favors? Or the type of person who never asks for help, even if they’re feeling crushed?