What’s it like being a stay-at-home dad for 3+ years?
On February 11, 2022, I had the privilege of quitting my job of 9+ years at Langrand to raise my 18-month-old daughter full-time.
I genuinely loved working at Langrand, so it was a hard decision—but a definitive one. Here is me on my last day saying goodbye to my beloved colleagues:
I’ve always dreamt of being a stay-at-home dad, but never thought it would be possible. COVID-19 changed everything, of course. With the Delta variant on the loose, my wife and I decided not to use childcare. And financially, it just made more sense for me to be the one to quit.
It felt like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I embraced it. I had the chance to craft my daughter’s childhood to my heart’s desire.
Soaking in the magical toddler years
People always seem to be very interested when they learn that I’ve become a stay-at-home dad. Here are some of the questions I get asked:
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I know that’s not a question, but it’s a sentiment that I totally understand. Honestly, before I became a dad, I thought it was easy. “Yeah, newborns probably wake you up at night, but after the first year, it’s probably pretty easy!”
Wrong!
I love parenthood, but it’s a lot of work! In fact, it’s way more work than my Art Director job. I’m parenting 24/7/365. I’ve never had to unexpectedly wake up at 3:00 AM to design something for Langrand. But that’s parenting a young child in a nutshell. There’s always something to do.
So yes, it is nice. It’s an honor and a privilege and a blessing. Absolutely. But it’s not a vacation.
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I’ve actually only gotten this remark once. Most people simply do not care about gender roles, or if they do, they don’t bring it up to me.
To be clear, being a stay-at-home dad was never about making any kind of social statement. It was just something that worked for my family. It was a practical decision, not an ideological one.
As long as the parents are dutifully contributing and the tasks make sense, I don’t see what the big deal is.
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Yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Boredom is a part of life. Planning meals, preparing food, cooking food, cleaning spills, tidying toys, wiping butts—not exactly exciting stuff. But it’s necessary.
It comes along with the territory. You can’t just take one aspect and leave the other. You take the whole package. And it’s an honor to take on that duty.
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No. Personally, I have a tendency to get sucked into work, so I made a conscious decision to avoid any kind of professional work in any capacity.
I wanted to go all-in and totally immerse myself in the stay-at-home dad world. For a few years, I actually didn’t get much free time. At the end of a long day, I would begin to stream a movie and then struggle to keep my eyes open because I was so tired.
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While I didn’t do any client work, I did some fun personal projects for myself. Mainly “Explainer” type projects to reinforce new things I’ve learned.
(As a parent, I started diving into new subjects that I never dived into before and sometimes I like to wrap my brain around something by organizing and visually breaking it down somehow.)
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For the first few years after quitting, I did not miss the working world at all. I was focused on raising my daughter, and since it was a lot of work, I didn’t have much energy left over to even think about professional work.
But eventually, my daughter got older and became more sensible. Things got easier. And then, after around two years, I started daydreaming about working again. I “got that itch,” as people say.
I realized that I really missed being part of a team. Working together to achieve a common goal. I missed the daily interactions with my colleagues, connecting and building rapport. I missed the magic.
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Throughout the day, there were pockets of time when my daughter is occupied with something. So like any good parental supervisor, I would scroll on my phone.
I’d read news and see random work that I admire and save them for future reference (even though I had no idea when I would actually use them).
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Definitely the monotony. It’s a lot of work. A lot of chores. Day after day, week after week, month after month.
And while my daughter was primary numero uno and always taken care of, it was a bigger challenge to balance other things in my life.
For example, I wasn’t able to work out as much as I wanted to. And I had trouble finding time to meet up with my friends. (And unfortunately, sometimes plans are made and they fall through due to the unpredictability of a young kid doing young kid things.)
I think that’s the toughest part about parenting that most people don’t talk about.
When I made the decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I was totally at peace with whatever came with that decision. And I’m still at peace with it. Absolutely no regrets. And I’m forever grateful for it.